Untold stories from the World Cup
Dan Liftman
July 14, 2010
Some untold stories from the World Cup:
Few know that Afghanistan, land of Islamic extremism and tribal conflicts, has one of the best soccer teams on the planet. Afghanistan actually qualified for the 2010 tournament and FIFA, the governing body of soccer, was initially prepared to allow the Afghans to play clad in robes and turbans, but the deal breaker proved to be the Asian nation teamīs insistence on starting each match with their traditional pre-game ritual of sacrificing a goat on the field.
Another qualifier that failed to make the cut was the European nation of Belarus. President Alexander Lukashenko, who has been called Europeīs last dictator, was reported to be making plans to travel to South Africa for the tournament when he learned that at 459,000 to the U.S. dollar, there were not enough Belarusian rubles in the nationīs treasury to buy gas for the plane that would transport the team both ways. When team captain Vitaly Bykovsky announced that a one-way flight would be "just fine," he was arrested and has not been heard from since.
The North Korean squad played in the tournament, but lost every game. Since returning home, word has leaked out that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il staged a huge welcoming party for them, attended by tens of thousands at the nationīs largest stadium. After the festivities, however, the entire team was transported to Kimīs palatial estate where, after being chased around in a cage by his pet tigers, they were all shot.
Iranīs team did not qualify for the tournament, but President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sent them anyway as observers. Trouble arose, however, when several players were overheard asking in local stores where they could buy plutonium. When arrested, they insisted that they actually meant platinum, as in records. In a desperate attempt to avoid deportation, one player did what Johannesburg police described as a "very bad" impression of Michael Jackson. "My dog can moonwalk better than that," said one.
Zimbabweīs president, Robert Mugabe, turned up in Cape Town, hoping to get a ticket to a sold out match. In a vain effort to impress a ticket agent, he said he had once played in a World Cup match himself. As "proof," Mugabe began kicking a soccer ball down the street, but due to his poor eyesight, he ran into a fire hydrant, taking a fall that resulted in a broken ankle. The agent commented that he wouldnīt have dealt with Mugabe anyway, "because Zimbabwean currency is worth less than the air in a ball."
In one lightly publicized event, teams from Ireland and Northern Ireland, both non-qualifiers, played an exhibition match. The game was entertaining, said fans who watched, but it took much longer than usual to play because police riot squads from three local cities had to intervene several times to break up fights. There was one high note: The teams agreed to donate proceeds from the game to South Africa's Jewish Home for the Aged.
Few know that Afghanistan, land of Islamic extremism and tribal conflicts, has one of the best soccer teams on the planet. Afghanistan actually qualified for the 2010 tournament and FIFA, the governing body of soccer, was initially prepared to allow the Afghans to play clad in robes and turbans, but the deal breaker proved to be the Asian nation teamīs insistence on starting each match with their traditional pre-game ritual of sacrificing a goat on the field.
Another qualifier that failed to make the cut was the European nation of Belarus. President Alexander Lukashenko, who has been called Europeīs last dictator, was reported to be making plans to travel to South Africa for the tournament when he learned that at 459,000 to the U.S. dollar, there were not enough Belarusian rubles in the nationīs treasury to buy gas for the plane that would transport the team both ways. When team captain Vitaly Bykovsky announced that a one-way flight would be "just fine," he was arrested and has not been heard from since.
The North Korean squad played in the tournament, but lost every game. Since returning home, word has leaked out that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il staged a huge welcoming party for them, attended by tens of thousands at the nationīs largest stadium. After the festivities, however, the entire team was transported to Kimīs palatial estate where, after being chased around in a cage by his pet tigers, they were all shot.
Iranīs team did not qualify for the tournament, but President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sent them anyway as observers. Trouble arose, however, when several players were overheard asking in local stores where they could buy plutonium. When arrested, they insisted that they actually meant platinum, as in records. In a desperate attempt to avoid deportation, one player did what Johannesburg police described as a "very bad" impression of Michael Jackson. "My dog can moonwalk better than that," said one.
Zimbabweīs president, Robert Mugabe, turned up in Cape Town, hoping to get a ticket to a sold out match. In a vain effort to impress a ticket agent, he said he had once played in a World Cup match himself. As "proof," Mugabe began kicking a soccer ball down the street, but due to his poor eyesight, he ran into a fire hydrant, taking a fall that resulted in a broken ankle. The agent commented that he wouldnīt have dealt with Mugabe anyway, "because Zimbabwean currency is worth less than the air in a ball."
In one lightly publicized event, teams from Ireland and Northern Ireland, both non-qualifiers, played an exhibition match. The game was entertaining, said fans who watched, but it took much longer than usual to play because police riot squads from three local cities had to intervene several times to break up fights. There was one high note: The teams agreed to donate proceeds from the game to South Africa's Jewish Home for the Aged.
Print
Email
